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Old 01-18-2010, 04:34 AM
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crisare crisare is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 172

Originally Posted by StitchwitchD View Post
Being honest and open isn't just about not lying. If anything, the hard part of being honest is in trying to figure out how and when to bring up something that is awkward, will make someone uncomfortable. So, you put off talking about it, and then it's harder to bring it up because you should have said something about it weeks before, but you didn't. And it eats at you and you wonder how to come clean without damaging the relationship, until either it gets buried under all the other stuff that has passed between, or you get the courage to tell, or the gap in intimacy caused by you failing to tell widens until it starts needing actual lies to support it and finally there's more fake than real in the relationship....

So, building a relationship on a foundation of honesty isn't just about not lying, it's about ensuring that you have the time to really talk about whatever is on your mind, with the security to know that even if the other person is hurt by what you have to say, you will still be loved, and that while there might be short-term damage to your relationship, in the long run it will be stronger and more genuine. In that sense, everyone has a responsibility towards keeping a relationship honest- make time to talk, be willing to listen, make the effort to perceive what is difficult to express, try to find ways to communicate about things that seem like it'd hurt too much if you said it outloud...
This. Yeah. Almost exactly.

I'd also like to comment briefly on what you said:
Originally Posted by hoseki
I am an independent person and marriage-like commitments aren't going to happen any time soon because of this.
Being independent has nothing to do with making a "marriage-like commitment". If you find the right person/people at the right time, you can make a commitment and still be an independent person - because the person/people you are with support you as a person. Don't shut off whole scopes of possibility just because. If you remain open, you never know what you'll find.

This doesn't mean, mind you, that I'm saying you *should* get married or that you should even *want* to get married. But don't confuse not wanting something with being independent.
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