UGH! I just spent nearly an hour typing out those terms i said I'd write into a reply, and then it wouldn't load. Almost don't have the energy to do it all again... here goes:
Full disclosure to your partner
Direct confirmation from her (email, phone, or in person) that these terms are ok with her
Preferably -- let me meet her
Ideally -- socialize with the two of you occasionally
His engagement with my life:
Email, text, or phone contact, at least every 3 days
Be willing to hear about my life events; share yours
Take an interest in my plans, hopes, dreams; share yours
Be willing to meet my kids if the opportunity ever arises
Make time for me at least 3X a month (we both have significant time constraints, this is not solely his issue)
Only one of those 3 meetings can be at Oasis (a sex club he likes and I don't like)
Have permission to spend time together without having sex (for e.g. go out for a drink after work)
Have permission to go for dinner or to a cultural event with me occasionally (this was one of his GF's dealbreakers)
Come to my house within 3 weeks of making this agreement (he has never been to my house. However we do live more than an hour's drive apart)
Make me a priority, consistent with the degree to which our time together enriches your life and makes you happy. This may mean "manning up " and defending our time together when other people are trying to book you to do stuff on our time, or reinforcing to your partner that having me in your life is a need that YOU want met
Ideally -- have permission to go away with me on an overnight, e.g. to the cottage. Your GF is welcome to come too.
Do not spout, ascribe to, secretly ascribe to, or profess to your girlfriend any bullshit re: avoiding emotional involvement in this relationship. Be emotionally available, be attached, and have the balls to act like you're attached to me.
Ok, that's the rough rewrite ... thoughts?
Leelee, all alone.