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Old 05-08-2013, 11:27 PM
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Scissors Scissors is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Along the dotted line.
Posts: 12

You stated someone called the OP's boyfriend a coward. No one did. If you quote someone as saying one thing and assume they share your perspective when they may not (like what happened here), and it's easily researched/verified with two clicks of a button, expect to get called out on it. I don't give a damn if you word things the way I would have you word them, nor do I care if you regard things as I regard them; what strange questions to ask. Not everyone agrees with your perspective that a person's behavior is their defined character. Some believe this quite strongly. I can behave motherly but not be a mother, etc. You, WhatHappened, have no way of knowing what the poster-in-question believes. Therefore, don't quote them as saying something they didn't. It's that simple.

This distinction absolutely impacts the sentiment of your message, because flatly calling someone a coward is more damning of an accusation than saying someone behaved cowardly. One can be an isolated incident, while the other is a much more deeply rooted character flaw. Actions actually do reveal us, but only when those actions are consistently applied. That's the key word. As your advice was to be more "open-minded" and perhaps forgiving of transgressions, empathy is a whole hell of a lot easier to obtain if the OP feels the boyfriend's actions were a temporary occurrence rather than him being inherently X, Y, or Z. Yes, it's negative either way, no one was disputing that. But there are shades of negativity, and if you'll recall my message, it's better to be accurate and make those distinctions (especially on a board that deals with improving self-awareness and communication skills) than not.

Originally Posted by WhatHappened
Thank goodness we have time to split hairs.
All the time in the world.

But seriously...this is worth hijacking a thread for?
Come on now.
Dating Rock and Paper.
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