I haven't written in a while. Honestly things haven't gone anywhere for DH as far as finding another relationship for us to start this new poly adventure. But we both have tested some boundaries and we have been working hard at communicating with each other. DH has been in school for the past 5 years and now its finally over. I am worried what the future will be like. I always envisioned it would mean more time for me and for our family but I realize that this new poly path we are going down will change that.
My biggest difficulty right now is trust with DH. He came clean about an affair he had with M about 6 months ago. But now I am constantly wondering who he is texting, if he telling the truth where he is going and just generally not trusting him. I was good for a couple of months and really trying hard to trust him. He kept telling me he had no reason to lie or hide things because we were being so honest with each other. So I grasped on to that and tried to trust him. But then DH recently lied to me about going to dinner with M. He didn't tell me about it before hand because he thought I would freak. He did tell me immediately afterwords tho. I find this to be a set back for me and once again I am struggling with trust all over again. I am trying to find the strength in myself to trust him again but its difficult when I feel like the trust has been broken over and over. He knows he screwed up and realizes he should have told me to begin with. i know there will be ups and downs and we will both make mistakes.
I feel like I am on such a roller coaster. I will be good for weeks or even a month and then something hits me and I am a mess for a day or so. The good times are getting longer and longer so thats reassuring. When I am down I am able to talk with DH and it is helpful. He is very loving and supportive.
Now that school is done for DH the expectation is for him to start another relationship and start down the poly path. I feel like I am not ready, but will I ever be?