Nearly every weekday, I talk to T on im and text, and then we meet up in the evenings on chat. Due to our timezone difference it has always worked well, as she would pursue any other relationships after I needed to retire to bed anyway. With her work schedule, she can stay up later than me both relatively and absolutely. Also, we've always treated it as a secondary relationship. On weekends, we typically spend 3-4 hours on a group chat program.
Recently though, she's been trying to work through another relationship, and I've been really busy, which has made it a little less routine. T has also become extremely important to me. We're coming up on two years of talking to each other, and I'd be shocked if it were less than 2,100 hours of active contact. Not just sitting on the couch holding hands watching tv, but conversation, online sex play, shared experiences, laughter, tears, pain, fears, joy, etc.
Most of what I put here seems to be problems with T. That's kind of the nature of an online forum about problems. I want to take the opportunity, though, to share one of the reasons I love her so. I am in the middle of getting my SCUBA certification, and it is a little nerve wracking. I have been snorkeling twice and both times have had a bit of anxiety. My wife wants to SCUBA though, and I do like the idea, so I'm trying it. I was nervous going in, but T was super supportive and was worried for me the whole time I was offline. I had several empathetic texts and her wanting to know how it went by the time I got my phone back on. I haven't ever had someone that gives me active support, and it's such a good feeling.
I discussed, with K, being able to see T on a more regular basis. Making time for her in the evenings. Visiting her a couple times a year. K has been amenable, with a few reservations that (I think) we worked through. As always, I'll continue to ask.
So, that brings us to last night. We had always discussed what would happen if one of her other bf showed up in a chat room we were in. It almost happened last night. It's a 3d chat room (I'm willing to discuss it via pm, but I don't want it searchable), and we were cuddling, and one of the other people mentioned "why is X inviting me?" T and I both recognized the name, figured he was joining the room, and she bolted up to another spot. Even though I figured it was coming, it hurt. She went to chat with him briefly, but we finished our evening. There wasn't much left though. T had had a really stressful day, and I have an endurance test tonight. We logged off, but then texted a bit and T took the whole situation harder than I did. She felt really guilty. We'll have to talk about it today, but since it's taken two years for it to happen, I don't anticipate it being an issue. I just want to make sure that if we're deciding to schedule more time, it should be our time.
On the other front, K still wants to say no to intimate physical contact in July. However, she said, "[I] am thinking future meetings you mentioned will probably be ok." One of her fears, and it's legitimate, is that I'd be too worn out to do the family vacation proper justice. T and I definitely wouldn't get much sleep.
I'm pretty damn happy right about now.
Me: 41 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 18 years
LDR ex? girlfriend: Susan - serial monogamist female - 4 year relationship ended? 9/29
Stakes - very intimate friend
Last edited by Nox; 05-08-2013 at 03:50 PM.
Reason: added detail