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Old 05-08-2013, 05:10 AM
Oly1 Oly1 is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 28

To be honest I meant "nice" in the usual sense, you know, a friendly and pleasant person. In the short time I've known her she has been very generous with me, helping me with a medical problem, doing favors and so on. Now I'm thinking this may have all been in an effort to get close to my wife. So maybe not so "nice" after all.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
It's just that she's smoothie talkin' your partner now.
That is definitely true. And worries me. R has actually been talking things that I know are C's words coming out of her mouth. Another reason to lose respect. And to talk back, so she can have some perspective, and a narrative that fights the justifications she's being fed.

In regards to telling on C to her wife, I never even considered it until someone here suggested it.
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
This sounds like bargaining talk to ease yourself out of feeling yucky about having chosen to not tell the stranger wife her house is on fire.
I don't actually think letting her know is the right thing to do. It might only cause more pain. And negatively affect the lives of children. So I don't need to talk myself out of it. I would have a very hard time with this if the woman being cheated on was a friend of mine, because I would have to actively not tell her. And I detest lying. But I would still probably refrain from telling.

I don't think the analogy is fire. If the children are OK, and otherwise the house may not be "on fire" but the kids will burn and suffer, than maybe not knowing is better. This is not someone who is happily at work or away somewhere and could be totally unaware of what their wife is doing. C and R get together at late hours with some really lame excuses. I would not burst a strangers' bubble, when they chose not to confront a difficult issue (yet?), just so I could feel better about myself while ignoring the fact that they, and everyone around them- kids included, would only suffer. Anyway, the "would you tell your friend you've seen her husband with another woman" dilemma is hard, and we each have our own perspective on it.

I am taking a time-out of sorts, and it might have a deadline, but I don't think a week will do. 8 years of true companionship merits a slightly longer chance to get it together. For now we are not sleeping in the same room, I've stopped touching her, and I don't ask her about her dates with C, how they went and so on. I don't actually ask her much of anything. Or share with her what's going on with me. So we do still live in the same house, but I don't think she's getting to go on with both the affair and our partnership. I don't think she gets it yet that this is how it's going to be for me until this is over, she might be telling herself I'm hurt and if she could only reassure me everything will be OK between us (as I am not unOK with the concept of her sleeping with others). But she will realize in a few days this is not me being hurt, this is me drawing a line in the sand. Lets see for how long she is willing to only get affection and attention from this other person, and see her life-partnership slipping from grasp. With all due respect to NRE, I chose to trust that she will get it together. I just hope she does so before it's too late.
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