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Old 05-08-2013, 01:01 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,471

I do know C, not very well, but we've had a few interactions, and they were positive. She's R's mentor at work, and a nice and giving person. I do believe her marriage has it's problems, and from what she tells R, she tried to discuss them with her wife and was shut down. (<--- Cheating Affair partner's word is truthy HOW? She's could be spinning whatever at your partner to get your partner.)
Yes. She is being "nice." The other meaning for "nice" is "accurate, exact, or fitting" The cheating lying person lies to people. Now she's just also lying to your partner. This IS nice and accurate expectation of a liar. Expect them to lie some more. That fits.

If you mean "nice" like "pleasant?" Someone can be pleasant at work but a jerk at home. Because it serves them. That's called two-faced.

So she's a two faced liar. Ugh.

At more time goes on and more stuff comes up? When the lying person continues behavior that shows their true colors? Continues with lies to get what they want? Could believe they are lying person!

It's just that she's smoothie talkin' your partner now.

I don't think her wife is oblivious as to their problems, but I also don't think she knows she's being cheated on repeatedly . This is partly why I won't tell on C to her wife, she is a stranger to me. If she weren't, this would probably be unbearable.
So you would tell a friend her house was on fire. But not a stranger?

Granted, I don't think C is handling her marriage very well. But who am I to judge. It's harder for older lesbians in a conservative country like ours. And there is honor in sticking it out for the kids even when your unhappy. I am inclined to be judgmental, but am working hard to find some compassion towards her situation (but not towards her choices!). Every relationship is complicated, there are no bad guys and good guys here (actually, there are no guys involved... ).
This sounds like bargaining talk to ease yourself out of feeling yucky about having chosen to not tell the stranger wife her house is on fire.

It's fine to decide NOT to right now. You don't have to tend to the planet. You have no obligation to.

But for your own well being in your thoughts and mental health? Could call it what it is. This talk is be talking myself out of making the call right now.

More accurate might be:

"I am full up at this time. So NO. At this time I don't care to tell the lady her house is on fire because I'm busy dealing with my OWN house on fire. There's only so much I can take at a time."

Shelve the telling til you are at a better time. Maybe give her the heads up then that her house is on fire. Maybe not. But could not start the slippery slope of telling yourself half baked stuff in your thoughts. YKWIM?

Your mental health is getting a workout here. This situation is hard enough as is. Keeping the ability to keep seeing clear is challenging without you adding bonus fog too. You have plenty fog from your partner and the cheating affair person to contend with.

You sound like a pleasant person in general -- could aim for NICE. Be accurate in living according to your code. Don't just "believe" your ethics. Exercise them. Could practice your hot beliefs and your hot ethics as you navigate through this wacky. That's what ethics are for -- to help you navigate.

Hang in there.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 05-08-2013 at 01:23 AM.
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