Thanks for the replies
Galagirl: The meeting has been rescheduled for Thursday due to being busy. I'd feel more comfortable if I went along. That way I know exactly what's going on, without having to hear it second hand. She said she wanted to talk to both of us together anyway.
As for the idea of them staying broken up, my boyfriend has said that unless she comes to accept and understand the arrangements and seems to stop feeling that I'm being selfish or that he's being coerced into 'obeying', that he wouldn't be comfortable with seeing her again.
This bit very much sums up why I'm feeling quite annoyed with her at the moment:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl
She just wants everything she wants the very minute when she wants it? Play like she's the only person who exists in your polyweb? Not to have to accept that he comes as a "package deal" and he isn't a poly single without any other partners right now and obligations to meet?
Doesn't sound like she is respectful of him, his life, or the people he cares about then. Sometimes when people bump up against limits they do not like, they call YOU "selfish" because they want it their own way and don't like hearing "No."
I hate being called selfish. It's one of the worst insults someone can give me; for a whole bunch of personal reasons. So, when I've been trying so hard, it pains me that someone would call me that. And it insults my boyfriend that she thinks that he's only going along with my needs because I might break up with him otherwise. It makes me think that maybe she doesn't quite understand the compromise part of relationships.
Bah. We will talk on Thursday and hopefully everything will get sorted out. If not, I'm having a TLC night with my girlfriend that night anyway, so at least I have that to look forward to.
RiverRose: I know what you mean, and that's why we fought about it. However, we've talked about that and have gotten things sorted out. He's agreed to let me know in future. I mainly included that as background for why I'm having a little more trouble - I find that, even if you've forgiven someone, once trust has been broken I kind of need a little reassurance in actions that it won't be again.
I'm an 'actions speak louder than words' sort of person. So, I guess, part of the reason for the guidelines (not all of the reason by any means though), was a trust exercise, to know that if I need something and he agrees, he will actually go through with it. To that point, he's been perfect. He stuck to the 3 nights in two weeks thing and was always home on time. After that had happened, I started to feel more open to it being less formal and restricted because I know that if I really need it, he's happy to give me what I need. If that makes sense?
ManofDiscovery: I had explained that to her, at length in fact. Although I found out this Saturday that she had gotten very drunk after our conversation and didn't remember it properly. So that's part of what we need to talk about when we all meet up.
I know that, because of this, I should give her the benefit of the doubt but I'm finding it hard.
After seeing her on Saturday, watching her friend digging into and insulting me and not doing anything to dissuade it, and the things she wrote about the two of us, I guess I'm still a little hurt and more than anything tired.
I'm tired of the situation and just want it to be easier. But that's not going to make me quit - if this can work, I want it to and will try to help it to however I can. I just have a bad feeling.