I hope that you're feeling okay just now.
Reading your blog tells me that you are a strong woman and I don't think you have much to fear from the possibility of ending up alone - I think you would be fine if that happened.
I do feel sad that you have broken up with Brad and Derby. You have written so often about the love and support that they provide you - Derby in particular has been mentioned frequently as a source of support and kindness to you. It sounds like you need love and support in your life more than ever and I'm saddened that you feel unable to continue in relationships that were providing so much of those things.