Originally Posted by AZtriad
how do i get past the NRE? thank you for reading sorry its so long
Sounds like what you really want to ask, is how do you get the alone time (in mind and body) that you're looking for?
With the scheduling, if you know you have a practice one night, can they schedule their date night then, and open you up for a date night on the other night? Try to work within your pre-existing schedules and find something that works for everyone - maybe even sit down and do it together.
As for the texting while he's with you, I tend to be very smart-assy when that happens (my ex used to do it constantly, and we weren't "poly"), and I'd text HIM to see if he liked dinner, or what-not (he'd be chagrined and stop... for a while). It's rude to be engaged elsewhere while he's supposed to be on a date with you. I can understand maybe a check-in or two with his other GF, but the entire time? No. I'd ask him to stop and keep our date nights ours.
That, however, means that the same should apply for his date nights with her - that you should be able to give them space as well. Is that happening?
As for the reassurance, I'd recommend explaining (using "I-statements") how you feel when he delivers his wisecracks in response (e.g., "I feel unimportant when my requests for reassurance are met with sarcasm.") And keep doing it. Keep asking if you need it.
Try to ask in a way that makes it clear what you are looking FOR (more physical contact, more romance) and how it feels when you don't receive it.
Are you all living together? Is that adding to the complication? (Seeing her receive the romance you're looking for). The comparison (and I am guilty of this) and in-your-face-ness of it all can make it feel more about their relationship than yours, and make it more difficult to focus on your own relationship when you're seeing and envying theirs. Do you need space?