The 3 of us set out to get this trip ironed out on saturday night. I finally realized it is exceedingly difficult for them to help because we each look at planning with entirely different priorities. Herman wants to address each detail in chronological order while I want to make decisions in order of most pressing need. They both started discussing thursday night because it comes first but I don't need to have a schedule for Thursday right now. I need to get reservations secure for Saturday, the day when our options will be most limited. Also literally every other detail of the trip is based on knowing this one fact of where are we ultimately going. I can't figure out a schedule for friday without knowing where we are headed on saturday. I don't think that makes any sense to them but it seems so obvious to me. Why bother to lock down where to sleep on friday if I'm not sure if I want to be 100 miles north or 50 miles south the next morning?
I will acknowledge that sometimes the order in which I need to decide things becomes circular and I become trapped but this time seemed pretty simple.
I am struggling with trying not to feel like my way is right. Jasper was packing in the middle of this conversation. Not only did I find it a little rude that he was distracted with something else while we were trying to get things decided, but how can he know what to bring before we know what we're doing? He asks should he bring goggles? How the hell should I know? If you guys could just focus on MY question of WHERE we are ultimately going, I can answer all these other questions like where are we meeting on thursday and do I need goggles easily.
When deciding on locations and activities I group things into categories and narrow options by asking questions about the desired experience. What type of weather would you prefer? these things will be warmer, these things will be cooler. How much time do you want to spend hiking? These hikes are longer, these are shorter. Jasper won't answer these questions insisting he can't know his preference until he hears all the options. Unfortunately he asks about the options with questions like "tell me about them" which I respond, what kind of description are you looking for? What information do you need to know? Because my mind makes decisions by grouping. I honestly don't know what he is looking for when he asks "tell me about it"
I understand that sometimes the available things to do dictate that kind of experience the trip is but if the location is not set, the experience desired can dictate the things to do.
We didn't get nearly enough done but we did accomplish a few things and it did make it easier to talk having a better idea why it was feeling so hard. We also recognized in the middle of this that as couples we operate at a completely different pace. Jasper and I are used to trying to cram a lot of things in to a short time because we're used to only having a short time together. Herman and I are less goal oriented. Herman would more prefer to have a base camp, enjoy a place and not do so much running. He suggested that if we did set up a home base then Jasper and I could spend some time running like mad while he did something more leisurely. That is exactly the kind of thing I wanted to learn about what everyone wanted to do in order to decide where to go. It just seems so difficult to get them to talk about things in the context I find useful ha! Ok that does sound terribly rude. Surely it would to help if I ask to focus on a specific topic in a more polite way than "Why are we being distracted with that?"
I hope writing some things I recognized from this go round will help me learn something for next time.