Originally Posted by kkxvlv
Why is this guy getting the "She's trying to control you" speech instead of the NRE speech?
You say you were fine with the relationship with your fiance until this new partner came along. What changed the original relationship that you are no longer happy with it other than someone came along who you have more in common with? Now you're concerned about your individual growth? Was that not a concern when you proposed to your fiance?
Is it just me or does your writing sound a bit like this has little to do with education and more to do with the women?
You are talking about life long commitments to both of them when you sound unsure about what YOU want out of your life right now other than skateboarding and hot sex. I'm not judging that by the way, I'm just saying you don't sound ready to be talking about doing anything until the day you die. Maybe stop trying to decide what you're going to do for the rest of your life and quit talking about those kinds of commitments.
You describe the new partner who you've known a little over a month as having the same place in your heart as someone you proposed to spend the rest of your life with monogamously. Where would you be right now if your fiances other partner hadn't come back in to the picture?
It doesn't seem very strange (or controlling) to me that your fiance is not thrilled with your idea of going to school because you talk about it as if you aren't going for the education, you're going to follow this other girl who you just met. She's not making up this paranoid delusion that despite your engagement you're leaving her for some young woman you can share a video game console and a bong with. It sounds like that is exactly what you are considering.
The school plans you've described are the new partners pre-existing plans. Your fiancees business is her plan. Why aren't you looking for a YOU plan? You are certainly going to be in a relationship with yourself for the rest of your life.
I don't think I've explained myself clearly enough, here, let me try this.
I was fine with the relationship until this new girl came into the picture, yes, that's true. When that happened, it made me reconsider what I was doing with my life now. Before this new girl I had planned on just staying with my fiance for the long haul and taking things as they came, school wasn't a thing on my mind, nor was getting a car and learning to drive, I was content with just her and I living together and I'd take a fall if it happened. So no, I wasn't concerned with my individual growth until this new girl came into the picture.
I do know what I want with my life other than skateboarding and hot sex.
If my fiance's other partner didn't reenter the picture, I would still be completely committed to her and our original goals and mission. When he entered the picture again after I had already proposed, it killed me inside, and tore my heart to shreds, and I was left to mend them in a way that would allow this third person into my life and share the person I wanted to marry. Because of this, I mended my heart back together to think from a poly mindset, I was willing to accept others into my love life and accept that the same could happen with my fiance.
I am going to school for my education, that's the number one reason for me doing so, I need to have it should this situation fall apart in a bad way, I'm not just following this other girl, her plans align with what I would like to do with my life, and so I see no reasons other than clear cut and direct benefits for going to the same school she does for at least the first year or two, the education I'll be getting won't be anything that I could get better closer to my current home. These school plans are ones I've had since before I've met the new girl, but I didn't think they were needed as soon as possible until she came into the picture. I've had a vested interest in technology and I know that's the field I want to enter into, and have for years now. It's just over the past few months that I've become gripped by mobile applications and feel confident in taking that route, opposed to owning a computer repair shop, as there are more negative concerns while going into that line of work that have prevented me from moving forward with it sooner and in the past.