Originally Posted by PapaRhino
Yes, you are correct, college is much more prominent in my mind than marriage is right now.
I would be paying for my schooling myself from loans + grants/scholarships. I plan on doing freelance computer repair and enthusiast computer building while I'm in school to help pay for other things outside of my study, room and board.
This is what I was trying to tell my fiance, but from her point of view, if things are going well with her and I, then why do I need to rush into school and why do I need to experience the 20 year old college life if I'm really in love with her and cherish our lifestyle that we have together?
My answer to this is that these years are a once in a lifetime opportunity, and that I'm only going to be in my 20's once in my life.
Holy shit bubba, are you SURE you're only 20? You sound like the most wise 20year-old i ever heard. I would get myself checked to make sure i'm not the next Dalai-Lama or something, if i were you.
Now, i'm not saying there is ANYTHING wrong with a 20-year-old person and a 40-year-old person getting married; but there IS something wrong with a 40-year-old person who expects a 20-year-old to NOT GET AN EDUCATION just so they can be a dependent spouse. That is not what a loving relationship is about. A loving relationship is one where both partners want what is best for each other in the long run, even if it means being physically separated for some time in order to accomplish certain things to that effect. Your fiancee is asking you to forfeit your own personal enrichment in order to satisfy her short-term "needs". I put "needs" in quotes because i think most of what people refer to as "needs" in a relationship are not needs at all, but areas that need work on oneself. People say things like, "i need sex a certain number of times per week" but no, you do NOT "need" sex ANY number of times per ANYthing. No one starves or suffocates or evaporates because they aren't getting laid enough. What do people do when they are single? Injured? Sick? Have to leave town for a funeral or a business trip?
Sorry to digress a bit there. You just keep right on thinking for yourself and trusting your own conscience. That is maybe the most important thing people can do, that most people don't realize they can do. I would say that the majority of folks who come here for advice already know what they should do but are afraid to listen to themselves. They let themselves be talked into playing some game of "poly-tetris" when it isn't about a "poly relationship" at all, it's about being true to thine own self.