Thanx for your input! I'm pretty isolated on this subject in my social environment and truly appreciate any comments I get.
I do ask for reassurances a lot, but then I find myself worrying that she is only telling me what I want to hear (and more importantly- not telling me what might hurt...), and that sort of defeats the purpose for me, since it creates trust issues.
The thing is- I'm not sure my wife wants to be "at peace with poly". At least not yet. She is talking about having a "dark side" and wanting to "break all the rules" (I think this has something to do with her taking on a lot of responsibility, work and money-wise, lately). She wants it to be forbidden, so she can feel she is feeding this "dark side" of her.