dealing with the same situation
You didn't bore me at all, and I've found writing here helps too, so I think your wife may have a point...
I just wanna share that I am going through a similar experience. My wife had an affair, which I am calling by that name because although I knew about her emotions (and actions) from the start, it was in fact cheating on the other side.
After a few hookups my R decided to break it off, partly out of fear for our relationship (I was not handling it very well. I've always seen myself as poly, but this is the first time it'd actually happened after 8 years together, and, well, easier said than done), and partly because of the total mess and lies on the other side (cheater's wife texted while they were together and R freaked).
I must say, in many ways it's worst now than it was when they were "together". Your right, helping your wife trough a break up is not something you are equipped for by society, and it's very weird. Also, I find that when she is with me (heading to a party, say), and I can sense she is actually thinking about her and wishing she could see her, that hurts more than when I knew she was out having sex with her. At least then she was really with me when she was with me.