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Old 05-06-2013, 05:14 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915

I would also add that you might want to slow down. Your wife just found out about the affair six days ago, and though she was insistent about meeting the other woman, she is grieving. Grieving for the change in her marriage, grieving over your affair, and everything else. She probably wanted to "size up" the competition.

I am glad the meeting went well, but there is a lot to do. Your wife is hurting, and I do believe counselling is needed. While you may have high hopes of your wife and girlfriend (?) being the best of friends in say six months and eventually living together, wounds have to heal. Sometimes an apology is just not good enough. Believe me when I say that it is an adjustment to go from a mono relationship to having a poly relationship. Communication is a constant. Be prepared to deal with timing issues. There are only 24 hours in the day, and they do not stretch. They each have needs. Both relationships have needs. It becomes a balancing act. Impossible? No. Challenging? Yes.

If I were you, I would look into counselling like now. Your wife might not realise it due to it being clouded by hurt, but some trust has been lost. No one likes being lied to or cheated on, and I agree with Nancy about needing to address the reasons for you stepping outside of the marriage.

It is not just I cheated and colour me poly now. Have you always thought you were suited to be ethically non-monogamous? If so, did you ever present the idea to your wife, or did you assume she would not go along with it?

Sending you good luck and well wishes. Consider yourself lucky. I do not know many wives who would be okay with any of this so soon after the revelation of an affair. I hope you know that you have a good thing at home, and she needs to be revered and treated as such.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.

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