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Old 05-05-2013, 08:53 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Around midday yesterday, I messaged Gia to ask if she had any plans after the dance night we were going to in the evening, hoping that she'd maybe wanna come back to my place. She said that what she'd really like to do was to fuck Eric, but that they couldn't go back to her place to do that because of their babysitter, who was planning to spend the night, so she wasn't sure. I offered up my place if they wouldn't mind me watching... I felt gross putting that condition on the offer, rather than just letting them do whatever they wanted, but I was trying to be realistic, and, with how much I've been missing her lately, I knew I wouldn't really be ok with just chilling downstairs while they went at it. Or, I said, we could always have a good ol' fashioned threesome.

She considered the offer, but then Bee fell asleep in the afternoon and they were able to get their alone-time then. I didn't bring the question of the post-dance portion of the evening up again. I'd already propositioned her/them once, why press the issue? Still, I felt a little rejected.

That night, at the dance event, I was weirdly sensitive to seeing her be affectionate with Dexter, and even a little with Eric. I felt mopey and emotional, and I think it showed. Gia was affectionate with me too, everything was completely objectively normal, but I just didn't feel good. I was also really tired, which surely didn't help -- in retrospect, I probably should just have stayed home.

After we went our separate ways for the night, I messaged her and just said "Hey, babe." She messaged me back, asked what was up. I explained that I was just feeling a little sad and weird and wanted to talk. She said she'd been able to tell that I was upset about something, but had been trying to focus on Eric since it was their special weekend.

Special weekend? WOW, I'm an idiot, I'd totally forgotten that their anniversary had been a few days ago! She explained that they hadn't had much chance to celebrate on the actual big day, and so had been trying to make up for it by focusing more on each other this weekend.

I told her that I had just suddenly started missing her more than normal and that I was sorry if I'd been awkward, especially considering the timing. She said it was alright, that she missed me too, and suggested that we get together later in the week. So, that'll be good.

*sigh* Balance. It can be so hard to find.

Davis and I have had a pretty decent balance lately, I think, though there are hiccups. He was upset the other week when I cut one of our weekly hangout nights a little short and we had, not exactly a fight, but a fraught conversation about it. He didn't like feeling disregarded, I didn't like feeling guilted. We both apologized the next day, and I've tried to be more considerate. We're getting together tonight to watch a movie. Mostly, our time together is very chill and pleasant these days.

Time. I got a little worried the other week about Clay's time. He'd mentioned a former partner with whom he'd recently gotten lunch, and how nice it was to re-connect with her. From how he talked about it, I thought he might be interested in pursuing a connection with her again, and I wondered how on earth he would manage his schedule if that happened.

I brought up my concern to him in the context of a larger conversation, and he waved off the possibility that anything was going to happen with that particular person. He didn't say anything like "there's no way I would take on another serious partner right now", but he did explain that he's happy with the partner balance in his life, which was reassuring to hear. We're actually in a very similar place, in that we each have three partners that we see about once a week as well as various other people in our lives (casual fwb's for me, less-frequently-seen kink partners for him). Realizing that put things in perspective for me, I guess I thought maybe he saw some of his other people more frequently than he does.

I'm feeling better about where he and I are at in terms of time/equilibrium. He mentioned that he's been more conscious about trying to make time for us and it shows. He's going away for a short trip next week, and we're going to spend an evening together right after he gets back. I also think my NRE is calming down a bit. I'm still very excited about him, but I'm not really getting that aching feeling when I don't see him any more.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 05-05-2013 at 09:03 PM.
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