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Old 05-05-2013, 12:49 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 11,538

Re (from franchescasc):
"And for anyone who has been a secondary (hate the word btw) how does being a secret make you feel?"
Technically I could be called "the secondary," since I am the guy in the V who isn't married to either of the other two. But we don't look at it that way, we consider all three of us primaries. We do mostly have to keep under wraps though, so usually we present ourselves as a married couple (him and her) and me as a close friend (or adopted family if you will).

I didn't like being the "hidden member of the V" at first, but I guess I got used to it. It doesn't bother me now. Our intimate relationships are our own business after all. But I'll admit that if all else were equal, I'd just as soon tell everyone. It's my two companions mainly who feel compelled to keep the poly nature of our relationship a secret. I have talked with them about it on occasion, but I'm not in any hurry.

"Ultimately, I can't live in secret forever. If this is going to be a lasting relationship, something will have to change."
Nevermind this being an issue for MD, it sounds like it's an issue for you. All I can think is that you'll either have to move eventually, or come out where you live and let the chips fall where they may. It sucks that polyamory is not a generally accepted way of life, but, that's the reality we polyamorists have to live with.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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