I am in a similar situation too, as Im sure many poly people are. My BF and I are best friends, and we have been in a relationship for just over 4 months. We have not even allowed ourselves to be in the same room with people we know because we are concerned they will pick up on our vibe. I would not have an issue with coming out to mutual friends, but BF's wife is not comfortable with people knowing about us and so we are maintaining a low profile for that reason.WE usually meet in a town halfway between us where we only know a handful of people, so there is minimal chance of being seen. But, there is always a chance.
I am also self employed, and if I came out as poly in a really public way (like on Facebook or something) it could definitely affect my ability to get clients and support my family. So, there are some real-life reasons for being on the DL here.
Pair that with the fact that BF is also working for my family, caring for my grandfather who needs 24/7 homecare. If they were to find out about us, not only would it be a family scandal, he would lose his paying job. We generally choose to not be at the house together and maintain separate presences there.
That all being said, we are having lunch with two of our best friends from high school on Monday. Our first experiment with how obvious we are...LOL
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori
Willow ~ 44yo bi woman, married to Bear (formerly known as TB) for 18 years
Bear-Maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
Armadillo (formerly known as BF) - currently out of the picture. Depression is evil...