I've voiced my preference: let's date other girls and that's all. She then voiced her preference: let's date other girls AND I date other guys. So what do we do when those preferences don't align just right?
As for your suggestion, that's exactly where we are right now. Everything is on hold until we both figure out exactly where we stand and why.
You could choose to be assertive in your communication and proactive for your own best healths -- physical health, mental health, emotional health, spiritual health at least. The other three wellness dimensions are financial health, environmental health, and social health.
You could lay out all options and state your LIMIT and let her make her next chess move.
You could determine within yourself if your preference limit is a SOFT limit that could change over time, a HARD LIMIT that will never change no matter how much time goes by, or that at this point you just cannot tell what kind, but so know it is some kind of a LIMIT.
In my decision making process? Anything less than a joyful and resounding "YES!" is not a "YES!"
- A "no" is not a "yes."
- A "maybe" is not a "yes."
- And "I don't know" is not a "yes"
If I don't know if a limit is a soft limit or a hard limit? I call it a hard limit then.
So you could tell your GF something like this:
"Well, this is a personal limitation for me at this time. I'm not willing to be in polyship with you where you date women, I date women, we share women. AND you also date men. THAT'S MY LIMIT. I won't hold you back if you want to go there, but there I cannot and will not go with you."
And she makes her choice next. She can give up the want to be with other men. Or she can give up the want to be with you.
I know it is sometimes hard to FEEL while going through it, but do it anyway. Come to a decision of some kind after laying out all the options on the table.
You will be alright.
Regardless of the outcome of that... could also do the work you need to do to become more secure in yourself for YOU.
Hang in there.