Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
Even better, we managed to set a date for later this week -- and it'll be a REAL date, with dinner and drinks and stopping by an interesting store and hanging out at my house and everything.
Most of our time together so far has been catching a couple of hours in the late evening, or being together at a play party where he has other responsibilities, so this is going to be a very different experience for us. I'm SO looking forward to it.
My date with Clay was perfect, wow. It was a gorgeous day. We walked from my place to a cheap-but-delicious restaurant nearby and had great food and drinks. We talked about lots of different things, friends, our families, a big kink campout we plan to go to next month (it'll be a four-day weekend together... kind of a big deal to be taking a trip together so soon, I'm really excited!!!). Afterwards, we went to a neat little store and bought a couple of things to use with each other. Then we went back to my place and watched a movie, cuddled and said "I love you" at a rate that would surely have been obnoxious to any onlookers, made passionate, incredibly hot, emotionally intense love, and fell asleep.
What else to say about where this relationship is at?
Izzy is doing much, much better, apparently. She and he had sex for the first time in a couple of months earlier in the week. It was really good to hear it. I don't know for sure what she went through, I haven't asked for details, but... yeah, I just know how sick and awful I'd feel if a partner couldn't sleep with me because they were too traumatized. What a helpless, awful feeling that would be. I know that neither of them had any clue when -- or, really, if -- they would be able to reconnect. I'm so glad that he still has that relationship in his life.
All of that being said, it's gonna make my decision about potentially going barrier-free harder. *shrug* SO not the most important thing.
Clay never did respond to my email request for him to not ask me direct questions about it for a while. I wish he had, I like clarity, but I decided to let it be and to take his silence for assent just this once. The idea of not using barriers did come up again once, the other week, in a sexual context -- he mentioned it as a desire (related to something we weren't even doing at the time, it made sense in context), not as a request, and I'd previously told him that I was fine with him telling me what he wanted, so in theory he wasn't doing anything "wrong", but I still wasn't really comfortable with it coming up like that at all, because of how vulnerable I feel with him during sex (I don't think I would ever agree to anything I didn't really want to do, but the thought is kind of terrifying), and I told him so afterwards. He apologized and I don't expect it'll happen again. Still, I felt a renewed mild anxiety about the topic after that.
After we made love (using a condom during PIV) last night, he mentioned that he liked that we had let the topic of maybe not using barriers go for the time being, because it made things simpler and less stressful to not have to think about it, for it to just be a given that we'd use condoms. I really appreciated that sentiment, since I feel the same way... in fact, I appreciated it enough that it overrode my annoyance at the fact that we were even talking about it again at all rather than really and truly letting it go. If it comes up yet again any time too soon, at all, that annoyance might not be so easily overridden -- not talking about it can really just mean not talking about it, imho.
Heh, it's funny to spend so many words on what is, at the end of the day, minor friction over how we communicate on this one issue. We both whole-heartedly agree -- we can't and won't do it unless we both feel completely comfortable. He would be ready to be comfortable now, I'm not, so we're waiting on me to make a decision, but whatever decision I make will be fine and that has always been clear, so... why worry? I suppose I just feel like this relationship is so intense and so important to me that any potential issue has to be treated seriously. The D/s component is a big part of that, I'm sure... here I am ceding my emotional and physical safety to someone I've known a very short time... if I don't completely and unequivocally trust in 1) his integrity, and 2) our ability to communicate clearly, I am fucked, and not in the good way.