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Old 05-04-2013, 06:29 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by Cloudy View Post
Hmm, not sure... I think, provided my current GF would be ok with it, that I still pursue the new relationship, but it would have to be very much as a secondary relationship, and I would want at least a friendship between existing and new. This arrangement would definitely not be my first choice, and it's very possible it wouldn't fly at all. And even if it did, I don't think it would cure that "itch" I mentioned in my previous post.

(ps: finally figured out quotes)
See, one of the problems with this way of looking at things is this -- not all relationships work out. Let's say you DO find someone who's into both of you, and the three of you spend a year all dating each other. By that point you're deeply in love, it's all equal and happy and copacetic. And let's say THEN one relationship fails while the other is still going strong. Let's say your newer gf and your older gf break up. What then? Do you bump one of them down to "secondary" status so that you can find another woman with whom to attempt to form a triad with the one who stays "primary"? All in an attempt to cure the itch for an ideal?

Another problem is this -- in the above-quoted paragraph of yours, if you laid that out to a woman who was into you and your gf, but maybe a little more into you, what you'd basically be saying is this: "I will give you the option for a serious, primary relationship with me of the kind you might want to pursue, but only if you pursue the same type of relationship with my gf, we're a package deal." This is how you set yourself up for failure and heartbreak all around -- by making somebody feel pressured, even a little, to give something a go when it might not be what they really want, because that's the only deal that's on the table, and they don't know much about poly either so they assume it's reasonable and feasible.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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