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Old 05-04-2013, 02:31 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 391

Wow, that's a bold move.

It's a tricky one when you feel like something needs to be said, but it's really not your business.

I had a situation like that with a couple of friends of mine. This guy P had been dating his girlfriend for a few years. Then one night at a bar I bumped into P, who was there with another friend of mine (who I knew through separate circles), J. They seemed like a couple and really happy.

J was gushing to me about how nice P was etc etc. All good. Then later I checked in with P as to whether he'd broken up with his other girlfriend. No, he hadn't. Did J know about this other girl? No, she didn't. Okay...

I had a dilemma because I felt like J should know that P was dating someone else. And the fact she was my friend made me really want to make sure she knew about it, and wasn't getting screwed over. But I also was cautious about putting myself into their drama, as I didn't feel it was my place.

After agonising a bit, I came upon a plan that luckily worked!

I confronted P and told him that if he didn't come clean with J by a certain deadline (a few days, I think) then I would tell her myself. He said that was fair enough, and that he would reveal the truth to her. Which he did.

If he hadn't been honest, I would then have felt justified in breaking the news to her myself.

I know the scenarios are different here, but the dynamics are similar enough I think. If you think there's something W should be doing or saying, it could be a good idea to flag to him that you're at breaking point, and that you're about to raise the issue with his SO, before you go ahead and do it.

You often walk a fine line when performing an intervention! I try to be as sure of myself as possible (including, if possible, getting opinions from others who know the situation well enough to comment) and proceed with caution.

Sorry for the long reply on your blog but your story struck me.

Last edited by fuchka; 05-04-2013 at 02:34 AM.
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