I find it very interesting that so far it is seeming that those of us who have cheated or been cheated on seem to be so concerned about not having that happen again that we are putting perhaps MORE work into our relationships to ensure it doesn't. Could it be that for this reason there is a drop of health and benefit from having experienced cheating?
I like what Ceil says about games. I know how to play "go fish" with my child or "connect four" by the rules yet he pushes them to get his need to win meet and we argue about it. Sometimes I tell him its enough, and walk away. Perhaps there are some hidden lessons in that for him that I have been over looking and not considering? Hmmm... We have gotten to the point where I have been able to point out to him the benefits of losing. They are that it means he can work on increasing his skills to beat me and use that losing feeling to do better. Maybe I should talk to him about how we could change the rules so we both win. A life lesson through games I had never thought of. How would that roll over into the video games he loves I wonder. They offer a whole other set of rules and give a whole other view on winning sometimes.
Very interesting so far. I'm thinking a lot on this and its really helping me move forward in my frustration around cheating.
Another thing... I agree that those who cheat repetitively are in a different category somehow than those who have one offs. Something different there that I have been thinking about. Also that it all revolves around communication break down and fear to get back on it. Sometimes beacause the two people have moved away from each other, sometimes not.
Off to think more.
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