Originally Posted by Kraven
is it better to just find someone you like, live mono and then suggest poly in the future after security has been structured in the relationship (even though you know being in a long term mono relationship is something you just can't imagine yourself doing)
Yes - think about this !
Don't you feel that would be a bit (?) misleading and disrespectful ?
I'm not saying you have to ignore large numbers of people because they 'appear' to have only a mono background/understanding. Reality is, the vast majority of the population falls into that bucket at this point in time. But it's a topic that has to come out VERY early in your explorations of each other. Exposing the option to the unaware is a valuable public service in my mind.
Originally Posted by Kraven;
I'm poly and it isn't going to be any other way...take it or leave it?
My instinct is that you can't honestly make that claim - yet. Not that I couldn't be wrong mind you, just instinct.
I DO believe you have to find this out - both through study and practice.
Poly is not automatically for everyone and a lot of people get easily seduced in the beginning because of what appear to be obvious benefits (which there can be). But it's also a LOT of work - for yourself - and for everyone else. Failure to do that 'work' results in just as much (or more) sadness & damage control as it would in any other model of relationship.
There's no substitute for experience so once you have some basic education under your belt I'd open myself to an opportunity to test the waters if the option presents itself but acknowledging to everyone on day one that you are new at this and to expect some stumbles along the way. Because there will be. It's literally impossible to totally prepare ourselves for the myriad of things that can come up. Asking around and reading will quickly expose all of the major ones but be prepared for the little subtle ones to sneak up on you too