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Old 05-03-2013, 04:28 AM
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Cloudy Cloudy is offline
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Default Half Open Relationship..?

As this is my first post here, I'll tell a bit about myself, both as an introduction, and also to give some background for a question that's been plaguing me for some time.

I'm a 32 year old male, heterosexual non-traditional college student, dating a 22 year old bisexual female, who is attending the same university. We've been dating for a bit over two years now. Early in our relationship, my girlfriend came out about her bisexuality publicly for the first time, and we began discussing bringing other girls into the bedroom with us. After about a year of discussion and lightly testing the waters, we began unicorn hunting, I suppose you'd say, and have had a few FMF threesomes. After each one, we've always felt better than ever about our relationship. Being with others somehow seems to bring us closer together.

Somewhere along the way, the subject of polyamory came up. While neither of us believes there's such thing as "the one", and while we both believe one can fall in love with more than one person at a time, we still remain poly virgins, though we're both interested in giving it a try.

Here's the rub... While we're both interested in bringing other girls into our relationship, both sexually and emotionally, my girlfriend has also expressed interest in doing so with other guys--something that wasn't the case at all previously. The problem is, I'm not OK with that. I am, admittedly, currently too jealous and insecure to agree to it.

So, after much loquaciousness, my question:
Am I a total chauvinistic, selfish, controlling jerk for wanting other girls in our relationship, but not allowing my girlfriend to have other guys? Is it required or expected that an open or poly relationship be open to all? Am I just not cut out for polyamory?

I'm totally open to the possibility that I am indeed being selfish. Part of me agrees, while another part of me says that that is simply my boundary, and that just because my girlfriend gives me blessing to do something does not mean that I HAVE to reciprocate. Also, being with other girls is something my girlfriend and I can SHARE. It's a common interest. I have no such interest in men. I've consulted several friends, and while they mostly agree that I'm being a jerk, I'd like to hear from the actual poly community. Please let me know what you think. Don't sugar coat anything. I want real, honest, educated responses. Thank you for reading.

-Cloudy
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