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Old 01-16-2010, 04:31 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by konekochan View Post
He's afraid I'll find someone better and leave him. He thinks that he isn't good enough for me. I've tried to tell him I would never leave him, but he can't get past the idea of me abandoning him.
Hello Kone,

Well, the positive thing about this is that you're talking NOW - rather than later (3 kids, a mortgage etc).
What he's exhibiting is pretty natural insecurity for everyone. It's a good time to also analyze what your own reaction would be were the tables turned. That's got to happen too eventually.
So keep talking, dig deep and do it together. This will bring all sorts of issues to the surface that may have lain dormant for years. Now's the perfect time to have them come out. You'll both learn lots of important things about each other.
You have to get past this anyway because otherwise you're possibly headed into captivity (his fear of 'abandonment'). That's not supportive of a healthy relationship and will tank it eventually anyway.
Better now than later.
Polyamory can have great rewards but you need to know it's also a lot of work for everyone. Don't be in a big rush and blinded by the potentialities. There's a variety of aspects of living poly that will differ dramatically from a mono lovestyle. Sex, affection, resources (time, emotions etc) are all things that have to be talked about & analyzed. Communication skills are paramount as, although they are important to all relationships, because of the complexity of poly relationships communication failures tend lend more danger to more people.

Polyamory is far from some new & exciting option. It's a path traveled by far more people than most would expect. The one positive part of this is that there are a wealth of people & resources out here in the world that by nature are happy to help you sort it all out and make the best decision for yourself.

Keep looking & learning and feel free to approach anyone here with any and all questions you may have. Take your time.

Good luck !

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