Hi guys, I'm back....
I considered posting in a new thread but since I am still writing about my feeling re being left out of the nre I decided to just post here again.
Since the last time I wrote G H and I have slipped into a fairly stable orbit. They were doing a good job taking care of my feelings, H is not pregnant, theyve been using protection and I've been ok. The jealousy is still very rocky for me, but I've been managing to cope with them having sex more.often with eachother and still infrequently with me. They come to bed with me afterwards which really helps a lot. Usually I'm fine but on nights where I wish I was having sex, I am still struggling.with feeling left out.
I don't know what I'm asking for, I guess.I'm trying to sort through my feelings and find the root of my jealousy and work on it. I have been struggling with feelings that G isn't really.interested in having sex with me and is less affectionate with me than H. I realize that Its not fare to compare and that will only lead to feelings of imbalance but sometimes.I can't help myself. I talked.to G about it and he said if.I want to have sex with him I should try to initiate more. Some part of me resents that, that he won't try to seduce me. And I fear rejection. I have all but given up trying to have a sexual.relationship with H. If it.happens, great, but I don't have the emotional energy to try to initiate with her and face potential rejection.
None of us is really satisfied. We all want to be having sex more. I know.I am an obstacle for them, perhaps for myself too. G and I had an argument last.nigt and H felt caught in the middle. We are supposed to have a big.talk tonight, I don't.know what to say. Part of me I think is just waiting for her to move on so I can have my.life back. Part of me doesn't want I her to leave. I enjoy.her companionship when i am not feeling territorial. i am also very pregnant now, my hormones are crazy and I'm just so tired and all this emotional work is really hard.
Anyway, blah. I don't know what to say tonight, Im having such a hard.time sorting my feelings.out.