I'm reading a book about addictions and am realizing that my constant need for checking in and being reassured is exactly that: an addiction.
And that giving in to it, to numb the feelings of restlessness and pain and insecurity and fear, is actually making all those feelings worse.
It's very interesting, how over the course of the day I feel the stress level rising again... I last heard from C last night, and now I need my fix. Getting restless again, nervous, and feeling almost physical withdrawal symptoms from being reassured by him that no, he has not forgotten yet that I exist.
Need to just stop doing it, ha. Cold turkey?
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 2 + years