I'm noticing a common trend in your posts, francesca: the feeling of "francesca knows best for others". I only point this out because you've professed to being "overly analytical and logical", and it's easy to attempt to dictate how others' should
feel or think because you've
thought it out, so it must be so for others, right? Believe me. That's a hard lesson to learn for us types.
In this post
, you say that "you don't want to discard her feelings, but she is discarding her own." What makes you think you can make that judgment? The same thing applies with statements like:
I just can't see her being truly happy living like that.
Not your call to make.
MD shouldn't have to pretend she's single.
She doesn't "pretend". She's living it. She's made that decision, making and reaffirming that decision constantly, day by day, of her own accord, as a grown woman.
It baffles me that you list several compelling reasons why this relationship really ought to be kept under wraps (the least of which is that she has made her stance crystal clear on this regard), yet the entirety of the last part of your post asks about "what the secondary might feel" or "did it eventually make you want to leave?", as if she know not what she do-eth. Like you're confusing what SHE wants and what you know
in-your-heart-of-hearts that she wants.
She made her decision. So now, you're the one with the decision to make in response. Be empathetic. Look at it from her point of view. Coming out as poly is a life-changer
. You only met her a year ago, been dating for what, five months? Yes, I get that you want the relationship to "last". Yes, I get that you don't want to "keep this a secret forever
" (emphasis mine). Don't you think it's a little premature to have this conversation about being out to everyone? Be the big girl; give yourselves time. If your communication is as open and wonderful as you say it is, and this is truly bothering you and ohmigod it needs to be addressed NOW, sit everyone down and say your piece. Then table the issue with a clear end date and the intent to revisit it again after everyone ruminates. You'll then have made everyone aware of your stance, then it's their
turn to make their decision. And the circle continues. If she wants to come around, she will. But she has to make that decision, not you.