Originally Posted by Cleo
all of your (and your wife's) threads just make me so sad.
you married a woman who was in love with someone else. You knew, but you managed to delude yourself that these relations were separate - but when your wife had a baby, a major event in her life that she wanted to share with BOTH people she loved, this was no longer possible.
downhill from there.
I just don't think you all see the magnitude of the mistakes you made. you keep saying ' yeah we made mistakes we're human after all?' but you don't really want to face the consequences of the fact that you all lied to yourselves and to each other. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I've been reading all your threads from the beginning and this is what I see.
And even in all the turmoil, there is no willingness to really look at yourselves and see what went down. Because if you really did? you would not be posting here. You would be talking to each other.
You call Si an outside person. She was not an outside person. She was your wife's OTHER PARTNER. They were together almost as long as the 2 of you.
and no one seems to address the fact that you became sexually involved with a woman you resented being part of your life. 'Feelings came up'? what feelings? lust, love?
I just don't understand any of this, at all.
Harsh? Not at all. I've looked at myself. I've had to face myself and every misstep. There is such as thing as talking too much, and it's not like my wife is even here right now. Feel free to point out all of my mistakes, since I can't grasp the magnitude.
The relationships should've been separate. No two relationships grow at the same pace. No two relationships have the same needs. No two people are even the same. What happened in her other relationship didn't significantly impact my life one way or the other. They never should've been one big relationship. I'll beg to differ until someone can prove that it's healthy to think of a relationship as one. No matter what those two relationships weren't the same. Two entirely different people. Two different sets of needs. Two different sets of aspirations and goals. She wanted her what's it called interdependent familial model, and I wanted to treat it as it was.
There's nothing to understand. I resented her after a certain point. I didn't always dislike her. The first eight years, she didn't even matter. Sorry if that's cold, but it's the truth. I spoke if I saw her. We had no mutual friends. Still don't. My resentment was and still is primarily towards my wife. She allowed all of this to go on. The royal Snowflake was just part of it. Someone had to be giving her the OK. In comes the wife. Who is the reason why all of this happened? My wife and her wanting what she wanted. True. I fucked up. Maybe I should've tied her to a chair and demanded that she listen.
I dated her and slept with her a couple of times. That was short lived. I didn't feel right, so it stopped and never started again. Shit happens, and you move on. I didn't start resenting Snowflake until I felt like she was just overstepping, making decisions on her own, and becoming a habitual line stepper. I can't blame her for everything. Did I enjoy sharing certain moments with her? Nope. Did I go out of my way to make her feel welcome? Nope. I dealt with my resentment in an appropriate way. I had no problem asking her to back up and give us space. She respected it at first. I grew tired of having to make concessions and accommodations for her girlfriend, though. Did she really have to be around for everything? I don't think so. Nobody can package that and sell it to me.
Conspiring with my wife and making plans for my kids' futures without asking me? Making plans to do things with my kids without talking to me and expecting me to just accept it? You're doing too much. Step back and know your place.
FTR, getting involved with her was the biggest mistake of my life. I regret it every day. I wish I had never been involved or slept with her. It was not worth it. I complicated things with my error in judgement.