New and scared
Hello! My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years. We have two kids. She (and my kids) is the center of my universe.
So, for years, I have been interested in MMF sexual situations. She was always willing to entertain these fantasies verbally, but never in reality. As the years went on, what I thought was a phase never really went away. I still longed for my wife to be with another man. I guess some people call it cuckolding, but I never really cared for the term. I simply have an overwhelming desire to see my wife as happy emotionally and physically as possible.
So, a few months ago, she started talking about this guy from work that she likes. This quickly turned into bedroom talk and the fantasies now had a face to go with them. Being that I thought I could handle it, if not downright enjoy it, I told my wife that she could pursue a physical relationship with him if she wanted to.
Details, details, details. Bottom line, as soon as she started actually planning things out with this guy, I really started to have a hard time with it. When I told her about my hesitations, she just informed me of how I've been planting this seed for years, and she was now ready to try it.
As it stands, the two of them are going to be having lunch today, and if all goes according to their plan, they will have made out and possibly done more.
Part of me is terrified. I'm scared that I've pushed her away. That she will never come back. That this was a mistake and than I am a sick, horrible human being for even having suggested this.
However, other times, I'm perfectly fine with it. I trust my wife. I know she will come home to me. I know she loves me as much as I love her. I know she just wants to have fun, and I want her to have it. The thought of holding her back and regretting it and having contempt for me is almost as bad as the jealous feelings.
I just really wanted to come some place where I can talk about this with other people and try to get some feedback, perspective, etc. How can I cope with these feelings? Every time I put them on her, she reassures me as much as she can, and I worry that if I press too hard, I'm simply going to build up more negativity and take away from the fun of it all. I don't want that.