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Old 01-15-2010, 10:54 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Wow Kitty,
Just WOW !

That's so hard. And I know you're not the first to be in this situation. We've actually experienced some of that in our own in the bygone past. But we're still here and better for it.
Your husband seems like a wonderful, loving person and obviously love you more than anything.

You ask about how "not to continue hurting him"...........
I'll propose that -if I can make this make sense - that you're not hurting him - in any conventional sense - he's just hurting for you ! It was his choice that is causing YOU pain - and because he loves you so much he feels YOUR pain ! And now he's feeling very guilty & responsible.

Does that make sense at all ?????

But it's become circular because now YOU are feeling HIS pain (over your pain).

A song pops into my mind here - "Love Stinks" <chuckle>

How to break the circle ?

You seemed to be really doing good awhile ago - realizing that all that cruel stuff from the past was blown away by someone who PROVED to you how beautiful you are in important areas. He married you and loves you deeply. So for him to feel better - and therefore for YOU to feel better, somehow he has to understand that those old wounds just got opened and that you have all you need to heal them permanently ! He didn't cause those wounds ! Impress on him that you in no way are holding HIM accountable for wounds he didn't cause. But that doesn't make them hurt less. Only time and belief in your true self does that.
He's obviously 100000% beside you with this but may not fully understand that in not within our power to do this for anyone else. All we can do is hold their hand and love them and support them all the way.
If he can do this and you can accept that support - you can break the cycle !

You go girl !

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