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Old 01-15-2010, 09:37 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

What can be done to take what we know about cheating and affairs and make it a useful tool so that people can be healed from it rather than hurt from it?
I've given a little thought to this and the more I look at it the simpler it seems.

Again - keeping this in the limited framework of 'marriage' (or equivalent) I see two immediate actions that could (in theory) be implemented.

1> Institute a policy that makes a course in "Relationships & Communication" mandatory before anyone would agree to license or perform said marriage. This course could also be implemented at secondary school level - even mandated for graduation. The schools have long failed now to educate our children in relative life skills anyway. A dual win.
Included in this course would be some real detailed stuff, some of it psychological, some sociological, and include discussions of the role of sex, needs, non-aggressive communication (term slips my mind - NVC?) etc. Included in this education would be the concept of polyamory !

2> Removal of "sex" from it's current pedestal as the epitome of marriages & relationships. When you get down to it, all this debate & discussion around "cheating" and what defines that (which I've never seen addressed - only assumed) seems to end up back at sexual dalliance.
Although there are other indiscretions that occur within relationships, they are in such small proportion and much more easily resolved as to be inconsequential to the discussion.
To me, it's time that the fact that sexual fidelity is NOT a critical part of any relationship, unless the involved parties deem it so themselves (mutually), needs to be brought to light and accepted by the population as a whole.
Doing so would change the whole dynamic of relationships from the beginning. Everyone would be encouraged to bring out and discuss their sexual preferences & desires no different than their views on politics, religion etc which currently get more attention in the early stages of relationships than that which is far more critical !
When we have relationships that acknowledge that we love each other for more important reasons than the fact that we can sleep together and that if there's some particular sexual element we are incompatible on and are free to (responsibly) pursue that on our own-with full support of our partner(s), then the entire concept of "cheating" goes away.

But that's too simple - right ?

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