Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Well, although we'd tried poly in 1999-2000, it kinda blew up and we gave up on it. So, no, I didn't have the "clarity" of another relationship in our final 10 years together, as I have morals and do not cheat. But finally, I did get interested in this guy online, and even though he was 1000 miles away, we experienced a kind of love for each other. It only lasted 3 months, but the quality of the NRE did show me what was missing in my life with my husband.
But I didn't leave the husband FOR that guy, I left him for myself.
Well, we were together 30 years. So, 30 years. But the swirling down the drain in earnest was the last 10 years.
Sometimes we were happy, sometimes we weren't. I'd say I was happy in my relationship 60% of the time. Eventually I realized that wasn't often enough, and wasn't going to get better no matter how much more therapy we did.
So the case could be made if you were in a poly relationship (local ) towards the end of your relationship and you had a similar "quality NRE " reaction or greater because of being local ...more physical contact and sex the contrast would have been even brighter ...the pull even stronger. And then you might be able to identify with the OP
In your example you were happy 60% of the time. Unclear on your husband lets say 50/50. THIS guy is UNHAPPY 95% of the time.... Or happy 5% of the time. What's in this for him ??? he can learn to be happy 19 1/2% of the time.
And by your example you possibly wasted 7, 8....maybe 9 years of everyone's lives.
Whats the difference of leaving for another guy or leaving for the contrast of what you are missing with your husband. Seems like a distinction without a difference. Its not what "he" is...it's what you're not. OK then