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Old 04-30-2013, 04:07 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 758

At a place I'm not very comfortable with. I'm feeling incredibly selfish and suffocated. I love that Karma and Pixie are happy. I love we are all getting along.

I'm just having a moment of wanting MY husband and MY house and MY friends and MY club and MY space. I don't want to see them chatting online when they've spent the day together. I don't want to see the ruler in his pocket and think about the scene they had today. I just want space. I want breathing room. I don't want to think about schedules or feelings or anything else. I have so much to worry about at the moment, I want to be free to live my life the way I want without worrying about anyone else.

I just explained it to Karma and I just feel like a cornered animal. Nothing is mine anymore. My friends, Darkon, the Club, my husband, his free time, my free time, my house, being his slave, everything is shared now. And I love we are all getting along. She hasn't done anything to make me angry, but I feel cornered and I know myself well enough to know that I am going to end up lashing out b/c of it. No one deserves that and I am trying not to. But I need to figure out how to solve it.

I've never been at the point where I liked the person he was with, so I've never lived this almost fully integrated life. I'm a solitary person. I crave human interaction but in small doses. So this almost full integration of my day to day is becoming a bit much.

For the moment all I can do is sit with it and figure out the answer, I just needed to type it out and drop it somewhere before I exploded.
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