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Old 01-15-2010, 06:09 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
I agree with this totally but maybe for different reasons. Promises ARE often made too easily, without necessary knowledge of the implications of that 'promise' over a longer term. That's another subject but have always been very guarded in making "promises" to anyone - especially if I had a feeling of not understanding the true long term implications or variability of them.
GS, I am very much like you in this regard - I am very very careful who I make explicit promises to. When I do, it has to mean something.

This is specifically to do with an institution of 'marriage' (or equivalent) where your quoted promise is inherited often with little analysis of all it's implications.
Right, in marriage the so-called "solemn promises" have been devalued to the point of almost meaninglessness for some people. "Till death do us part" has come to mean "while it's convenient for me".

Add into that the fact that many (not all) people making that 'promise' are drowning in what we call here 'NRE' and often operating without a true in-depth knowledge of the myriad factors inherent in the personality & beliefs of the person they are making this 'promise' to.
So effectively entering into a contract while they are not of sound mind. Sounds like a recipe for success for me... Hmm, maybe the system of marriage needs an overhaul - now there's a radical concept!

So this is the environment so many relationships are launched from. It's the reality. As that changes (hopefully) the dynamics have the potential to change with it.
Yes, it's the reality, and I agree fully that it is. That doesn't make it right, though. It doesn't mean that the status quo has to be accepted. It doesn't mean that it has to be legitmised, either.

If I seem crabby about this, please forgive me - it's one of my pet peeves that we seem to be willing to turn a blind eye towards something that I think should be fundamental to humanity and isn't - trust.

OK, I want to add something to this - an afterthought - let's use an fictitious analogy. I need a new car - my old one is basically unsafe, so I need money. I don't have money. My job doesn't pay me enough, and I don't have the guts or the "open door" to discuss a raise with my superiors. So I lie on my timesheet and claim that I did a bunch of overtime that I didn't. Should the company turn a blind eye to this? Should I expect that people forgive me because my needs aren't being met and I can't talk to my boss? It seems to me that this is exactly the sort of thing that people who cheat on their spouses expect, and often get from society, and it (quite obviously!) doesn't sit right with me.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

Last edited by CielDuMatin; 01-15-2010 at 06:36 PM.
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