In an earlier post I asked if being a flake has a detriment to poly. I must admit I'm still curious. I feel like I'm an island and I'm out there floating in the ocean. Visitors come and go, really dedicated tourists stay awhile, my SO to be exact.
But have I offered them the same? I gave them a place to visit and enjoy themselves, food cause I love to cook, and emotional support cause they need it.
But have I offered them anything more than that?
I am a flake. People think its great being a head in the clouds kinda person, not a care in the world to get me down. Yeah, sure no cares. Except for the fact that I'm starting to feel like I don't form personal relationships normally. I love C, I do, he provides well, treats me well, but I'm doomed to regard everything with a passing glance. I am reliable, I'm there for my friends but I do create myself according to every individual I meet. I think that's my biggest fault. My submissiveness and want to be regarded as a cool person drives me to be 50 different people. Someone different in front of everyone.
Here's some definitions:
Flakes are defined as such:
Wikipedia: Slang for a person who socializes on a glib, superficial level who often feigns an interest in a subject in an attempt to seek social approval.
Cambridge Online Dictionaries: › a person who you cannot trust to remember things or to do what they say they will do, or someone who behaves in a strange way
I don't think I can stress it enough. I am reliable, I am there for my friends but the whole feigning interest thing? Happens to be the name of my game. I'm not passionate about anything anymore! I don't, honestly, know if I ever was...
Been seeing a girl for coffee and make outs lately.
Texting like mad.
C is curious just cause he likes to see me happy.
I'm still curious if I'm offering myself or what my subconscious thinks they want.