Exquisite dinner date with Ocean last night. He took me out to a restaurant he's been meaning to for ages, which is also a specialist vodka bar. We ate and drank slowly, sharing everything. My first pay comes through tomorrow, so he joked that the date was on me
When we got home, we spent time by ourselves. Him reading a novel, me watching some great speeches by NZ politicians
from earlier this month, as they finally passed same-sex marriage legislation. Doing our own thing, in the same room, is one of the peaceful pleasures I miss when we're long distance.
A little later, I smell something cooking in the kitchen (mustard seed? curry leaves?) It's nearly midnight. "Are you hungry again?" I ask. Nah, turns out he's cooking lunch for tomorrow
. I'm impressed! (It was very good actually. Rice, dhal and jackfruit curry. Most delicious dishes)
When we eventually make it to bed, I'm nervous we'll fuck this up. But we don't
It felt a little like speaking a language you haven't for a while. You stumble through the sentences, with verbs in the wrong tense and a forgotten word or two... but it quickly gets better. "Rusty" is an apt metaphor. Ah, we gotta ride this bicycle more often.
This morning, Ocean was numb, sad. Didn't want the day to begin. Continuing stressors for him are his work, and tension with Menrva. The latter can be very hard, actually, and he's had some fairly bad patches of late. I like Menrva. She's a fascinating, kind and caring person. But she has some ways of relating to Ocean, as a partner, that seem rather awful. This is only Ocean's second serious relationship (his relationship with me was the first) and he's not always managing to manage.
Compounding those two things in some mysterious algorithm is the general chemical shit of depression plus running out of meds. He's not sure if he can get a doctor's appointment today, to renew his script. Hmm. Hmm. I made porridge with frozen cherries, and two cups of green tea. We sat next to each other and said nothing over breakfast. It's so hard to see him like this! I do my best to be supportive. Very glad I'm here.
Various packing/moving-related things to do today, by myself while Ocean's at work. Getting these things done is the best way I can be a strength to him right now, I think. We shift tomorrow. Next day, I'm back at work in the other city (I'm doing the cheeky "fly in, and go straight to work from the airport" thing. Such a pro.)
Sleeping here with Ocean tonight and at Grotto's tomorrow night (as his apartment is across the road from where I need to catch the airport bus). We're both still buzzing from the high of sex with Plinth, and very open to more. It'll be nice to have a two-some though, and would be my preference.
The more I adventure out, the surer I am of how important it is to honour and nourish the solid limbs that support my growth.