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Old 04-29-2013, 03:29 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Clay and I are still working on finding equilibrium in terms of communication around scheduling.

We chatted on Saturday afternoon and I mentioned some times that I was free coming up, including that night. He implied that that night was a possibility, and said he'd think things over. Then he logged off chat and didn't come back on. I went on with the things I needed to do, and when evening came around I was faced with a dilemma. Message him to double-check on his interest in hanging out, or just assume this his silence meant "not tonight" and do something else?

I narrowly decided not to message him -- obviously he knew that I was interested in hanging out, since I'd brought it up, and the burden had clearly been on him to follow up. All messaging would have done would have been to say "I don't have anything better to do than think about you, even though you're ignoring me at the moment."

I was pretty annoyed at him for leaving me hanging. I told myself that there could be a good reason (maybe he was super stressed and needed to wall himself off for a while), or that maybe we just think about communication differently, and he didn't think anything further was required. OR maybe he just isn't as into me as I am into him, I also thought to myself, but I did my best not to dwell. I invited a close friend over, who I hadn't seen in a while. I was worried that I'd be sighing all night and not actually paying attention to our conversations, that I'd be trying and failing to use her to distract myself from him. Thankfully, it didn't turn out that way at all, and once she came over I became very engaged in enjoying our time together.

The next day, he messaged me and the first thing he did was apologize for not letting me know that he wasn't up to hanging out. He said that he'd felt very drawn inward, but that he should have reached out. I said that it would've been nice to hear from him, but that it was ok. He apologized a second time, and I told him that I accepted his apology. It really did make me feel completely better about the whole thing -- yeah, it was a bit of a jerk move, but the fact that he recognized that and was able to admit it made all the difference in the world.

Even better, we managed to set a date for later this week -- and it'll be a REAL date, with dinner and drinks and stopping by an interesting store and hanging out at my house and everything. Most of our time together so far has been catching a couple of hours in the late evening, or being together at a play party where he has other responsibilities, so this is going to be a very different experience for us. I'm SO looking forward to it.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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