Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
Interesting, so it's actually HER that's not ok with poly, and not you? Wow, yeah, that changes things drastically... it sounds like she may be what is called a "cowgirl", a monogamous person trying to get a poly person all for herself in the same way that a cowgirl might rope a cow out of a herd. That is not ok, and is, in fact, a huge threat to your marriage. Now your "her or me" attitude makes much more sense. I think maybe it's time for him to be the one to issue an ultimatum to her -- become ok with sharing me, since I'm NOT leaving my wife, or else accept that we can't be lovers and possibly not even friends.
Yes, I too misunderstood because when you said she wants to "have him", etc. I took that as, she didn't want to be "just friends" if she couldn't be in a boyfriend-girlfriend type relationship... with him still married to you, of course.
I still think this forum offers the kind of help you seek. You should get your husband to come on here before he gets judged to pieces.