Awww, thanks FullofLove, feels good to be happy and enjoying everything so much.
I love this weekend already. Quiet home night last night, tired from not sleeping well the evening before. Elemental gave me a wicked neck and shoulder massage on our massage table, spa worthy music in the background and it was heavenly. This morning was a quiet one, Elemental up at the cabin working away, me listening to Ludovico Einaudi while I relaxed with a cup of tea, hanging out with the dogs watching the rain come down. Bliss.
House clean, I headed out in desperate need of some new jeans. I hate shopping for pants, and flat shoes; everything else I can gleefully buy in spades, but for some reason those two things always throw me for a loop. After a fabulous perusal of my favourite local thrift shop, I headed out with a nice selection of tops and light spring sweaters and jackets, but no jeans (fail!) I headed to the mall and I not only found one pair of great jeans, I found another pair of PERFECT jeans. I have been going on about them all frickin' day - Elemental rolled his eyes the last time I said "I love these jeans!" On the way back home I realized that the truck in front of me was Elemental's and flashed my lights; we spent the rest of the drive home flirting and making lewd gestures at each other from his driver's side mirror, and laughing our heads off.
Txted a bit with Mahogany this afternoon, and it appears that she... PURCHASED A HOUSE. God, that girl gathers no moss. I'm happy for her, but it's bittersweet as I'm sad for her old life coming to an end as well. It's hard to comprehend how things could have changed so rapidly, but given how unhappy she seemed, it's not so strange, really. She's a woman who knows what she wants, and doesn't want, and doesn't have a problem acting on those desires. Looks like we're going to celebrate sometime in the next week and hang out for the first time since pre-break-up days. Looking forward to seeing her new place, and hearing about all of her excitement. I wonder what her life will begin to look like over the next few months - change seems rapid and impending, for sure.
Home, we started getting things ready for Copper's arrival - gorgeous beef kabobs rolled in fresh cracked pepper, vegetables to roast, crisp green salad about to be made when I received her txt. The bus that she had been due to catch was full. We sorted it out right quick - she took trains and buses to get closer to us, and we drove to meet her, arriving only ten minutes after she did. Perfect! Smiling eyes, beautiful face, glowing skin, long brown hair and oddly, an outfit that actually matched mine! LOL. It's like we sent each other a memo of what to wear, twins in fashion! Elemental drove us to a nearby restaurant that we've had great meals at before and we ordered mains and caught up a bit. At one point Elemental was sitting on my side, the next on hers, all of us grinning and glowing away.
The road slid by in the darkness, our small town in the distance. We talked and joked around, hearing stories from her new job (which she likes, and is making good money at). I felt a shy pride showing her around the house - Elemental's artwork so prevalent, taking her on a tour and making her a cup of chocolate raspberry rooibos. Elemental built a fire and we chilled on the couch, him giving us sensuous foot rubs and all of us kissing inbetween conversation. Arousing as fuck, as usual. Good lord, how can this be my life? I love it.
I've not been feeling, or sleeping terribly well these last couple of days - side effects from my antibiotics - and let Elemental know that I didn't think I was up for an all night sex fest. Just feeling tired and not quite myself, and didn't want to push it too late. I had checked in with Copper earlier to see if she was amenable to the idea of me possibly checking out early on the evening, and to sleeping in our bedroom with Elemental/keeping him up all night. She definitely was, and Elemental was tentatively excited about the idea without getting too attached.
This is sort of a big deal, as it's the first independent connection that would be realized since last fall, with the dreaded Sync debaucle. Elemental and I talked at length about what we were collectively okay with (almost everything) and what we weren't (dishonesty, surprises, deceit of any kind). Elemental has always struggled with honesty and integrity, and poly magnified that times a billion; he was humbled by that experience something fierce, and he talks about how much better his life, and our peaceful connection is now. Things have been going so damn well between us; so few fights and upset these days, and a genuine feeling of being in love with each other all over again. I felt as though one of the biggest errors in judgement that was made with Sync was that we didn't develop dyads right from the beginning - with Lily we had, and everything was smooth as silk for me emotionally. So, going into this newfound relationship I wanted to set a precedent and step back to allow them some space together, and also know that I'd want the same thing (which she is totally down with).
So currently? Currently I'm happily tucked away in the spare room, a pair of earplugs in my ears, getting ready to play some online games and then fall asleep. Before I put my earplugs in, I could hear them talking in low voices, the crackle of the fire, and the sound of their lips meeting and I felt....... pretty damn good. I feel a little nervous, but mostly because I am remembering how shitty it was with Sync, and don't want to go through that again. I don't feel like we will at all; this is so different, and I am so different in my mindset and heart than I was. I am excited for them, but also recognize that it's private and to be respected as well; I enjoy not being in the middle of it all the time, and get a lot of peace and contentment from having my own space too. I am so down with the two of them dating, fucking, making love, txting - all of it. Just don't really have those same barriers anymore.
Largely I think that it boils down to trust for me. Elemental has done a great deal of growing over the last couple of months, and he is a unique person to that of a year ago. He's softer, more connected, more open and loving. He seems deeply committed to our marriage and life together, and has also been expressing his absolute happiness about things as of late. He's been reinvigorated to work on the cabin, the garden and the house. It feels so good to have that deep, rich connection that we have always shared, free of so much upset and drama. And I'm not just talking about our time with Sync, rather that something in Elemental seems to have softened, perhaps permanently.
Knowing that he's having an amazing sexy time out there makes me feel.... happy, slightly titillated and.... tired.... I'm tired! That's an emotional response that I can handle... delicious sleep.
And so we journey forward, and I'm damn excited about it. Love magnified, expanded and realized, respected and supported with integrity and gentleness to all involved. We're driving her back to the city tomorrow, meeting up with a good friend for brunch, and then selling all four of my tickets for a show that I had previously purchased. I forgot I had a business trip the next morning, and don't want to exhaust myself right when I'm starting to get better - plus I'll make a little coin on them, and that's always nice.
Wherever you go.... there you are.
Last edited by BaggagePatrol; 04-28-2013 at 08:59 AM.