We have been discussing this at length in the FB group I admin. For me it has come down to practicalities and how to move on knowing that I and others are privileged. In a sense I prefer to move away from the word and look at what to do with that knowledge.
When a couple goes out to find suitable partners I think that its important to have the discussion of how to create a balance; a win win situation for all. Couples should realize that they are entering into a relationship dynamic with privileges and do everything in their power to even that up so everyone wins.
In some cases hierarchies exist that work. At least they "look" like hierarchies from the outside but on the inside they are a creation of primary secondary that works for all. The secondary, knowing that the couple would usually have privilege, has just as much privilege as the couple because they are all in agreement within their arrangement. This concept flies in the face of what we usually want to believe about couples and their privilege. Is it really couple privilege if everyone in the dynamic is getting their needs met and has that privilege of being happy with their dynamic? Just because on the outside it looks different to others?
I think that some, if not most couples come into poly knowing they are privileged and wanting to work with others to make sure that is in check. Its an obvious I think. At least it becomes so pretty fast and I think that people generally have peoples best interest in mind. Especially when it comes to love and care for someone they are partnered with. If they don't then I would wonder where the love is and whether or not its what has become commonly known as poly.
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