Originally Posted by Tonberry
If you refuse to be out because you don't want your kids taken away from you, it's absolutely a reasonable decision. BUT it still means that your non-official partner has to hide so that you can keep your privilege. And that doesn't make you a bad person, but it sucks, and it's good to at least know and understand that.
Yes. The question I've been wrestling with is whether I can live with possibly being the source or agent or conduit or occasion of suckage for another person. For my own part, I don't know if I can live with this.
At the very least, though, awareness of the likelihood of suckage should serve to keep those of us who are married and poly humble and mindful.
The ones to look out for -the "jerks" in BP's terminology - are the ones who aren't even aware of the possibility that getting what they waaaant may put another person in a situation that basically sucks.