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Old 04-27-2013, 01:20 PM
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leelee22 leelee22 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Great white north
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Hi KB,

I am sorry you are feeling so bad. While I am firmly in NutbusterX's camp when it comes to balls-to-the-wall emotional exposure (I'll take big love and big pain every time, over the alternative), my understanding of how much it hurts when it ends is pretty fresh. My own BF and I split up on Wednesday; I was the secondary, he was the hinge. His primary, who I'd never met, had complete control over the terms (or so he says... I never met her).

I HATED the terms of the relationship (sex only; we were not allowed to spend any "social" time together, we never once went to each other's home, or out for dinner, or anywhere but bed, in a seven-month relationship), but I liked the boy. He was bright and intense, and he had beautiful chocolate-brown eyes, and the chemistry was incredible. But I just couldn't accept being forced into that restrictive role. I deserved to be cared about.

But when I made up my mind I was leaving, I also knew I didn't want to hear any of the bullsh*t he was going to say ("well, you agreed to this"; "you KNEW I was married"; "women are so emotional"... blah blah). I knew if he said one word of it, I was going to hate him for it, and what's the point of that? And maybe I would say something mean about HIM, and he doesn't need that either.

So I picked a day that we already had a (brief) date planned, and just sent him a message that "tonight will be the last one". I knew he would be too timid to initiate any conversation about the breakup at all. I carried on with the date the way I always had (I tend to be a bit dominant, sexually. Not big "D" dominant, just dominant). Apart from a couple of quiet tears I only partly fought back during one of the rounds, it was the same really good, great-chemistry sex we've always had. And then when it was done I just walked away. No talking about it. He knew why the relationship was not satisfactory to me; there was no need to make that point. And there's no chance he'll try to engage me via email to talk about it, either; he's not courageous enough to try to negotiate new terms for me with his wife. So that's that.

But that kind of ending, where the ending is not caused by a waning of affection for each other but because of some outside consideration, is like ripping a band-aid off your heart. So I feel your pain, KB. But don't you give up on love.

Leelee
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