Originally Posted by monkeystyle
Nice to see you taking an active role! But I wonder, why the haste at such requirements? Your motivations here are curious to an outsider like me, considering your previous self-stated issues and the fact that your ex seems to be able to get a free pass - when likely as not she's got the same sort of issues with him. In a short span of time you've made a lot of shifts back and forth, and have now decided that Matt is suffering something that needs immediate treatment?
Am I missing something, or were your thoughts and feelings before now misspoken? What's your goal in forcing this?
I have seen the effects of it, and it never turns out good. My niece and nephew are in therapy after being taken from their mother by their father and paternal grandparents. They were isolated from her for three months. No communication, and she did not know where they were because of them. The father alleged abuse and all kinds of lies were planted. The claims were unfounded, and she ended up with custody of 2/3. When they returned, they were not the same two children that had left. No parent should ever have to go through that.
It is considered a form of brainwashing. I would rather be proactive, but at the end of the day, I cannot force either of them to do anything. I watched the hell that my sister went through and is still going through because she is fighting the father for custody of the third child, who is her daughter. Aside from all that health professionals cannot seem to agree, but it is believed to be a form of psychological/emotional abuse.
It is not really haste. It is what was spelled out by an expert who is far more versed and experienced in this than I am. I wanted to seek professional help, and I found someone who could tell me what to do and what not to do in this situation. I have read many of his journals, and I swear they were written with Matt in mind.
I expect her to do something as well. Admitting that she was wrong for something would be a grand start. She is not getting a free pass from me. I hold her to same standards and sometimes higher. I am around Matt more, and he is aware that this was stressing me out. He is cooperating and willing to meet this therapist, but he is not making any promises or guarantees.
Do I agree with the method of treatment? That is up for debate. Do I believe it is going to work? Not really. I have read plenty of case studies where treatment was ineffective or the person reverted back to the same habits. I do not expect my husband to change his stance at all. I do want him to think about how he conducts himself and his behaviour around our children. This is my first and only goal right now.