Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 04-27-2013, 09:01 AM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: South of Chicago, IL
Posts: 149

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
It is terrible, and the UK court systems are slow to catch on. Some still do not accept it as a valid argument. They view it as a social and even financial issue. It is a hard thing to fight and prove, which is probably why the courts will not accept it. At best, they will call it Stockholm's Syndrome, which has similar characteristics, but they are different.

I said I was going to stay out of it, but I reconnected with an old colleague of mine. He wants to meet with us this afternoon. Parental Alienation is his speciality. In these cases, the hatred for the other person is more than the love they have for their child(ren). Simple words and threats will not be able to undo this. It is described as a three-step treatment, but it is not going to happen overnight, in a few months, or even soon. Meanwhile, she still will not have relationship with them until a certain point in the treatment process is reached. Anything that could possibly cause him to regress during treatment is not advised. The goal is to move forward.

Matt's entire attitude has to change. He has to develop the ability to be optimistic, be less hostile, encourage a relationship between our children and Si, stop viewing her as a threat, stop blocking our children from talking to her, understand that this is emotional psychological abuse, restructure his life to accommodate her again, put any hurt behind him, forgive her, be willing to accept any apologies offered, and a list of other things. Before a patient even gets to that point, the therapist is going to encounter resistance. I think Matt knows it is wrong to treat her like this, but the hatred he has for her has wiped out any level of empathy that might have been present before.

Most people are in a state of denial when seeking help for this. "I am not doing anything wrong" is a common response. Matt has to learn to believe that cooperating with Si has benefits and that he is being irrational and needs to accept it. (Good luck with that.) He is already fighting one of two steps. he does not think he would benefit from a better relationship with her because to him she does not exist, and he does not feel like he has to acknowledge her or say a mumbling peep to her. The reasons for a better relationship could be financial help (does not want or need her financially), care and support (does not understand why a third parent is even needed), and friendliness/being cordial (no desire to do this either.)

My friend said forming a doctor-patient relationship with the alienating parent is difficult and requires trust, confidence, and empathy for their grievances and understand why this person is so angry. The past is important in treatment. Once the therapist feels confident that the alienating parent is actually getting better, the children will become involved in the treatment process.

This therapist has his work cut out for him.
Nice to see you taking an active role! But I wonder, why the haste at such requirements? Your motivations here are curious to an outsider like me, considering your previous self-stated issues and the fact that your ex seems to be able to get a free pass - when likely as not she's got the same sort of issues with him. In a short span of time you've made a lot of shifts back and forth, and have now decided that Matt is suffering something that needs immediate treatment?

Am I missing something, or were your thoughts and feelings before now misspoken? What's your goal in forcing this?
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