I have a question: If your boyfriend has been gone and out of sight for 2/3 of your relationship, never writes or calls while gone, and is usually drunk if he does deign to be in contact, then what do you get out of it and what are you afraid of?
Seems to me you're afraid of giving up a few crumbs when someone else is presenting you with a smorgasbord. Loving someone is not enough basis for a relationship to be satisfying.
If I were you, I would just flat out tell him in a letter, email, or phone call, that things aren't working for you anymore, that you want more than he can give, and you will be seeking a relationship with someone else. I would say that you hope he can accept it and be on board with you having more than one lover, but if not and he chooses to end it, you wish him well.
And then go and be with the man who thrills you and can at least give you the attention and time you deserve. Yes, poly is about having consent, but independent people shouldn't be asking others for permission to live their lives. If far-away bf balks, that's his choice, but you have yours, too.
Last edited by nycindie; 04-27-2013 at 06:57 AM.