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Old 01-14-2010, 10:40 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Hi Ariakas,

Well, that's a nice and not that uncommon story. A lot of people (couples?) start out on a path like this and labeling it all about "sex" only to find out it has the potential to grow into more. The fact that A & B really seem to have a bond only adds to that potential. Many are not so fortunate and it ends in ugliness and drama. Everyone gets hurt.
I am hoping this doesn't happen, all 3 of us really want to, at the very least walk away friends.

However, in your case the biggest hurdle seems it's going to be YOU ! From all I can determine from your writing, it appears that there's a deeper connection between you and B and you are fighting it to a degree. Trying to keep in more rooted in a sexual level. My bet is that you are going to fail at that miserably<chuckle>.
This makes me most nervous and is most likely the reality. My wife is content just letting things re-develop. I am like a puddle of nerves. We are having dinner with her tonight and I am terrified. Since things between us became strained, my relationship with her changed. I don't know which "me" to be. While we have gotten closer again its still distant in a way. I am a very analytical person and not having clear goals or and understanding of what is happening, makes me very nervous.

are we just friends
will things continue
what, how far etc.

My instincts in this fail me almost every time. What worked for us before, doesn't now. Heck what worked for me a single guy with girls doesn't. The game changed, I suddenly feel like a football player on a soccer wrong move and I get thrown out of the game haha (stupid yellow card)

But, when you truly care (dare we say the 'L'word?) about someone, their happiness becomes a prerequisite for us. And assuming that she's going to want some form of primary relationship for all the traditional (and legal) reasons - you are faced with the dilemma of giving up your jealousy for the interests of all of you. It will just destroy what seems to otherwise be a beautiful thing. It's only right & fair for her to develop a life that includes pieces she desires - including security etc.

Of course the other option IS available. That of the 3 of you becoming one family. That's not easy either but you must keep her wishes and needs in this clear and honest.
I agree 100% and we aren't at any stage to suggest having a long term V relationship. Although that would be what my wife would love to see. We just want to continue having fun with her in every way. Simplest term would be dating. When and if she finds her real match we would be there to support her as friends.

Wish you luck with this because it seems to have loads of potential but you really have no choice but to banish any jealousy. It's just not something that can live when you care about someone. It's simply selfish & uncaring.

Lot's of us been down this road before and happy to help any way we can !

Thanks and I appreciate the kind thoughts. I just hope I can get control of my nerves. I feel like I am on a first date...I haven't felt like this with a girl in 20 freaking years. I sometimes don't know how my wife puts up with me haha
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