I hate to say it but I think you are approaching on idiocy. I for one would be long gone. I wouldn't put up with his actions at all after finding out about the first affair. To me he doesn't respect you at all. Show some self respect and get out. Get out and stand proud. Tell his secret and show him up for the deceitful man he has been. Then stand up for yourself and go and get the love you need. Starting with loving yourself first. Your kids need that, you need that and he needs to see that women should be cherished.
I'm sorry but to me this could never be poly. There is too much history and his heart is obviously never been in the right place. He is using polyamoury as a catch phrase to justify his guilt. Real poly men appreciate women and love them on a level that your man does not as far as I'm concerned.
I find it very sad that your kids are learning how to degrade women by his actions and your reaction to it. This is being passed on to your kids whether you know it or not. That kind of energy seeps in regardless of his and your lying. Your lying to them and yourself in some ways is just as bad. They will never experience in their own lives the depth of love they deserve to feel if this continues. They need to know you have a back bone and are worthy of loving so that they can ask for that too.
I'm sorry this sounds harsh, but I am a woman who has experienced much in her life and from one woman to another, with full respect because I care, I have to speak My truth and be radically honest. That is the poly way in my life. Keep at it, you are in the right place here, we are all routing for you. *hugs*
Last edited by redpepper; 06-16-2009 at 10:54 PM.